Preface
Understand that this has been written for no reason whatsoever. No one has asked for this, no one cares about this, except for me.
For those of you that have been following along both here & on my personal page, you know I hate this band with every fiber of my being. Need I even say more than this picture above does ^?
Or maybe here, where Robert Plant absolutely SHITS on these expert forgers, because anyone who know's anything about GVF, knows they sat down one day, had a band meeting, & wrote on a chalkboard "How Can We Rip Off Led Zeppelin & Become Successful" (because we're talentless hacks that depreciate Rock n Roll every second we're in allowed in the conversation)
Josha Kiszka, 26, lead singer of Greta Van Shiet 💩, should be classified as a domestic terrorist. Supporting this band is treason.
Here's why...
Fuck this band
I write this to you hung over, after seeing Alice In Chains in Irvine, CA last night. It was an unreal show, and one that reminded me why I love music, more importantly rock n roll itself. Nothing gets me going more than a group of grown men (and sometimes women, but i'll use men cuz less creepy) on stage in front of 76 marshall stacks, sweating balls n shredding some of the biggest songs this world has ever known. Blistering solos, kick drums that make your heart flutter, and 20,000 people you've never met all screaming the same words at the top of their lungs, in unison. GOTDAMN.
I'm infatuated with the concept of a rockstar, and what that word used to mean, in all it's glory.
This Alice in Chains show reminded me once more, WHY I FUCKING HATE GRETA VAN FLEET.
I’ve followed GVF from the start, I watched them rise within the rock sphere, and I think there are some universal themes surrounding this band that apply not just to bands, but artists / the modern industry as a whole (i'll tie it all together i promise).
The bands success overall is absolutely frustrating, because if this were the early 90s (or literally any other period of time), they’d be licking dirt off the heels of bands like Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Metallica, Ozzy, RHCP, Blink 182, and the rest of em. God i'd rather listen to Bruno Mars than these children.
But, it just so happens we are living in a Rock deprived society, which has allowed a band of flying Navajo squirrels to rise to fame.
(fuck you pal)
Where the hatred began
When I first heard Greta Van Fleet's (s)hit single Highway Tune, I thought it was a Zeppelin tune I just hadn’t heard yet, which was mind blowing seeing as I can recite every lyric to every Zeppelin song ever written.
So I was stoked — then I read more, and realized it was this group of 16 yr olds from Detroit, that a producer had been grooming for something like 4 years before this songs release...really getting the Robert Plant scream down I guess? The fuck you doing with these idiots for 4 years dude, GET A LIFE.
I will say, at first I thought it was cool to hear a rock banger from young kids, even if they did sound like a really good cover band…I can give respect where respect is due, cuz this song definitely slaps.
THEN this fucking loser lead singer opens his mouth — boom, i hate you now. he denies the zeppelin comparisons, hates people for observing this most obvious observation, has the attitude of a little spoiled bitch ass 3 yr old, screams like a dying sugar glider in mid flight, and ALWAYS tries to point the finger back at his listeners saying “all bands have influences.” On top of that, dude said they sounded like Aerosmith, not Zeppelin lmfao COMICAL!!!!!!!
Present Tense
Fast forward 5 years, and the band fills a hole that never should have existed within the souls of 50 year old men worldwide — the hole of rock n roll. I took for granted how starved the world was of real, authentic rock music, and how ready these starved individuals were to let in anything that resembled what they once loved.
Republic Records recognized this and dumped what was most likely hundreds of thousands if not millions into these reject half rate musicians, giving them a 5 album deal, because they could now offer the wal mart version of zeppelin. A chess move I guess.
This is something worth recognizing, and respecting — while I hate them all (lead singer most because he wears glitter on his face and makes tik toks sounding like a drunk Englishman when he’s actually from fucking Michigan / his voice IS SO ANNOYING DUDE) I can respect the chess move. MGK has done the same with pop punk fans. He loses rap battle with Eminem, says fuck it and picks up pink guitar, straps choker around his neck, proposes to Megan Fox, calls up Travis barker and says LETS FUCKING ROCK BABY. i hate MGK just as much as GVF btw. but thats a dissertation for another day.
At some point, you recognize the game you're playing, and do whatever it takes to win. Hats off to all the people that sell their souls, abandon art, and cash checks I guess. While they're fucking models in their penthouses, I'll be writing to you in my underwear with my mid morning afro.
Modern Day Shitstorm
In conclusion, sometimes it feels like I’m the only one watching this horror movie unfold, begging the younger generations to avoid becoming paid actors / content influencers, while putting more thought and focus into the art they’re creating.
I will say, I experience more bitchassness from artists today, than what I can imagine existed before. I hear excuses and I hear defeat before the race has even begun. If you watch the Kanye documentary on Netflix, you’ll see a kid who was told by every motherfucker in the industry that he’d never be more than what they decided he’d be. You’ll see a kid who says fuck you, and works his ass off to defy them. He had some quote that I love, something along the lines of "A king knows he's a king before anyone else does." (this applies to queens to, and whatever in between)
SO I ASK YOU: WHERE IS THE FUCKING DEFIANCE PEOPLE. Songwriters get absolutely shit on by Spotify when it comes time to receive what they are owed for their art ($), but at the end of every year, like clockwork, the sheep thank the shepherd for holding them hostage. SPOTIFY YEAR END / WRAPPED, "OMG THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING, I MADE $30 AND STILL HAVE TO WORK AT STARBUCKS BUT THANK YOUUUU."
But I won't sit and tell you there's some cure all Step 1 2 & 3 to change the world you're living in, but at least tell me behind closed doors you hate this shit & long to be real...because at the end of the day, all I am in search of is what's real. I want art, I want quality, I want a 7 min song to take me on a journey & not have to hear some loser A&R say "wELL i ThInK tHe iNtRo iS too LoNg fOr DSP's" go fuck yourself dude. This is the announcement at the bottom of this email means the world to me. I'm done talking the talk without walking the walk.
So for those of you who have entertained this worthless masterpiece, I thank you for following along. Fuck Greta Van Fleet forever, and long live REAL ROCK N ROLL BABY!